It's been a while since I did a post. D has done three as I've sat back and watched. I don't have an excuse and won't try to come up with one.
I labeled this post "Stop Signs & U-Turns" because they seem to be popping up on the road we're on right now. As we began this blog, things were going well. We were communicating and following the rules, we were paying attention to changes that needed to be made and acting on them. Recently, we have both been letting too many things slide and not motivating each other in the ways we should. We have gotten lazy and drifted back into our old ways and haven't made some changes that we both would like to make. We are still drinking more water, but we aren't always getting the three bottles per day that we established for ourselves. We haven't started working out like we said we would. We are not holding each other accountable for this and other rules we have set.
I'm not saying everything is going bad right now. Our lives today are better than they were, but we still have a long road ahead, and if we keep putting these obstacles in our way we'll never reach the end.
~T~
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Update
Well, I guess I waited long enough to see if T was going to post here but alas, he hasn't so I will. He did make a comment on my last post so I guess that counts a little.
I did get a punishment that night I wrote my last entry. It wasn't a harsh punishment but it WAS more then I've gotten before (which isn't surprising since I haven't had that many). I think what made it more aside from the amount of whacks I got was it was the first time I really understood the whole clearing of the slate thing. T mentioned it in his post about his punishment but until this one for me, I hadn't really "got it". This punishment gave me a new definition of forgiveness. Not just the forgiveness I got from T, but I was able to forgive myself for what I had done. It was like a weight was lifted from me.
Someone had posed the question about how one can get past a punishment they received in order to give a proper punishment to the person who had just toasted their buns so to speak. Her point was that she felt that if she had the power to punish her husband like he punishes her, when it came time for a spanking, she would be keeping a running "tally" of her punishment and her thoughts would be "just wait till it's your turn over MY knee".
Well, this scenario played out in our house that very night. Before he commenced my punishment, he did a bit of confessing of his own. Once mine was over, I decided to take care of his as well so we would both have a clean slate and have a fresh start. Did I hold a grudge and beat the tar out of him for spanking me? No. I feel that if the punishment is done properly, which it was, I won't have those feelings. I knew what I did wrong and accepted it as well as the punishment. When the spanking was over, he hugged and kissed and everything was forgiven. So when it came time for me to take care of his punishment, I wasn't even thinking about the one he had JUST given me (not even 10 minutes had passed). His offenses were much more minor then mine so it wouldn't have been fair to give him as much or more as he gave me.
I also found that it wasn't very difficult at all to switch from being the submissive to the dominant like I did that night. I don't know if T had any issues with switching from Dom to sub but it didn't seem as if he did. He was even able to tell me that he needed a bit more when I asked if he felt the punishment was done. I can't describe how proud I was of him at that moment because I know how difficult it can be to ask for more when you're backside is already stinging and hot. I hadn't used the bath brush up to that point but I felt it was appropriate to give him what he needed and had the courage to ask for. After a few swats with it, he was ready to be done. LOL
Hopefully he will come in here soon and give his thoughts on everything I've covered here. I guess I need to remind him that this blog exists as he tends to forget things like this. He has a "regular" blog that he hasn't touched in probably 6-8 months. I won't let that happen here. Maybe I'll make it a rule that he has to come in here and post at least twice a month and make it spankable if he doesn't. Till next time...
~D~
I did get a punishment that night I wrote my last entry. It wasn't a harsh punishment but it WAS more then I've gotten before (which isn't surprising since I haven't had that many). I think what made it more aside from the amount of whacks I got was it was the first time I really understood the whole clearing of the slate thing. T mentioned it in his post about his punishment but until this one for me, I hadn't really "got it". This punishment gave me a new definition of forgiveness. Not just the forgiveness I got from T, but I was able to forgive myself for what I had done. It was like a weight was lifted from me.
Someone had posed the question about how one can get past a punishment they received in order to give a proper punishment to the person who had just toasted their buns so to speak. Her point was that she felt that if she had the power to punish her husband like he punishes her, when it came time for a spanking, she would be keeping a running "tally" of her punishment and her thoughts would be "just wait till it's your turn over MY knee".
Well, this scenario played out in our house that very night. Before he commenced my punishment, he did a bit of confessing of his own. Once mine was over, I decided to take care of his as well so we would both have a clean slate and have a fresh start. Did I hold a grudge and beat the tar out of him for spanking me? No. I feel that if the punishment is done properly, which it was, I won't have those feelings. I knew what I did wrong and accepted it as well as the punishment. When the spanking was over, he hugged and kissed and everything was forgiven. So when it came time for me to take care of his punishment, I wasn't even thinking about the one he had JUST given me (not even 10 minutes had passed). His offenses were much more minor then mine so it wouldn't have been fair to give him as much or more as he gave me.
I also found that it wasn't very difficult at all to switch from being the submissive to the dominant like I did that night. I don't know if T had any issues with switching from Dom to sub but it didn't seem as if he did. He was even able to tell me that he needed a bit more when I asked if he felt the punishment was done. I can't describe how proud I was of him at that moment because I know how difficult it can be to ask for more when you're backside is already stinging and hot. I hadn't used the bath brush up to that point but I felt it was appropriate to give him what he needed and had the courage to ask for. After a few swats with it, he was ready to be done. LOL
Hopefully he will come in here soon and give his thoughts on everything I've covered here. I guess I need to remind him that this blog exists as he tends to forget things like this. He has a "regular" blog that he hasn't touched in probably 6-8 months. I won't let that happen here. Maybe I'll make it a rule that he has to come in here and post at least twice a month and make it spankable if he doesn't. Till next time...
~D~
Friday, February 1, 2008
Confession Session
After much prodding by a friend online who is also in a DD (male HOH version) relationship I decided it was best if I did some confessing to not only T but myself and anyone who happens to read this blog. I should probably be writing this in my journal rather then here but why not kill 2 birds with 1 stone right? So where to start...
T has been very busy lately and hasn't been home much since Tuesday. Sometimes his job takes him away from home so this is not unusual but this is the first time it's really happened since we stated DDD. I knew that it would be a challenge to follow and enforce the rules with being apart. I seem to be having more of a problem then T is with this matter. My main downfall is this one rule we have about eating. I absolutely hate having to eat breakfast and lunch. One of our rules is we will eat breakfast, lunch and dinner every day (we let this slide on the weekends when we don't always get up in time for breakfast). Most of our rules are for our health like this one and drinking water etc. I can usually drink the water unless my stomach can't handle any more but the meals... I'm having issues with. Normally if either of us were having issues with a rule we would discuss it and figure out if something needed to be changed or reworked. This rule is non-negotiable.
So instead of discussing my difficulty with the rule and trying to work harder to follow it, I've turned to making excuses as to why I didn't follow it. Now, not every time that I've had an excuse has it been false or made up, but more times then not in the past week, the excuse (my stomach was bothering me etc.) has been just to get away with not having to eat rather then a real issue. The real issue was that I didn't feel like eating so to save me from having to put a tally mark (And thus saving my butt) in my journal for missing a meal or having to suck it up and actually eat something, I would give an excuse that I felt was an acceptable reason to miss the meal... and it worked. I can't remember exactly how many meals I've miss so far this week but today alone I did not eat breakfast. Yesterday I didn't eat breakfast or lunch and so on and so forth. I have been dishonest I would say about 60% of the time as to the reason why I hadn't eaten, and that's when I admitted I hadn't eaten at all.
I wish that was all but there is one more thing I guess I need to confess. It all started when T was actually able to come yesterday evening unexpectedly. I was very happy to see him and after eating some dinner and made sure our daughter was doing what she should be doing, I quickly stripped and got into the shower with him (even though I had just showered that morning) and proceeded to relieve some of his stress and help us along for later. He always likes to go once before we start anything so I figured I would take care of that so that later once the child was in bed, we could have our fun. I even made sure he understood that I was in the mood and hoping for some play time later. There was no guess work involved like happens with a lot of women. Well, later didn't happen. T was tired from a long day and after our show we were watching was over, he was still trying to go through the over 100 emails that had accumulated during his absence. Once he was done with that, we brushed our teeth and went to bed. While saying our good nights he said he was sorry that we didn't do anything and I said it wasn't a big deal. I lied.
It wasn't a huge deal but it did bother me that he got his "fix" but I didn't get mine and I knew he wouldn't be home for the next few days (at least) to do it either. He knew it bothered me and told me not to just say it was ok and build up a wall but I played it off and we went to sleep. One of our rules is honesty. Really it shouldn't be a rule but a given but we both have a tendency to hold things back just to keep things running smoothly for the time being. Last night was the perfect example of that. I didn't want to get into a conversation about it at the time because I knew he was really tired and needed to get some sleep so to tell him these things either would have resulted him trying to stay up to give me my "fix" (which is for both of us really but he had already had gotten his fix earlier) or he would have gone to bed feeling guilty that he hadn't taken the time to be intimate with me.
I didn't want to give him that guilt or keep him up any later knowing that he already has enough on his mind. Where that may have been a good thought, it was wrong of me to not be honest with my feelings and tell him what was on my mind. The rule clearly states that when asked a question we answer it honestly and if we have a problem to discuss it and not let it fester and turn into something bigger then it needed to be. I broke that rule. My intentions may have been good, but I still made the wrong decision to keep my true feelings from him.
So with my confession now complete I sit here nervously wondering if I should it the "publish post" button. I don't know what the results of this confession post will be but I know the possible outcomes and one of them does not bode well for my rear end. We shall see...
~D~
T has been very busy lately and hasn't been home much since Tuesday. Sometimes his job takes him away from home so this is not unusual but this is the first time it's really happened since we stated DDD. I knew that it would be a challenge to follow and enforce the rules with being apart. I seem to be having more of a problem then T is with this matter. My main downfall is this one rule we have about eating. I absolutely hate having to eat breakfast and lunch. One of our rules is we will eat breakfast, lunch and dinner every day (we let this slide on the weekends when we don't always get up in time for breakfast). Most of our rules are for our health like this one and drinking water etc. I can usually drink the water unless my stomach can't handle any more but the meals... I'm having issues with. Normally if either of us were having issues with a rule we would discuss it and figure out if something needed to be changed or reworked. This rule is non-negotiable.
So instead of discussing my difficulty with the rule and trying to work harder to follow it, I've turned to making excuses as to why I didn't follow it. Now, not every time that I've had an excuse has it been false or made up, but more times then not in the past week, the excuse (my stomach was bothering me etc.) has been just to get away with not having to eat rather then a real issue. The real issue was that I didn't feel like eating so to save me from having to put a tally mark (And thus saving my butt) in my journal for missing a meal or having to suck it up and actually eat something, I would give an excuse that I felt was an acceptable reason to miss the meal... and it worked. I can't remember exactly how many meals I've miss so far this week but today alone I did not eat breakfast. Yesterday I didn't eat breakfast or lunch and so on and so forth. I have been dishonest I would say about 60% of the time as to the reason why I hadn't eaten, and that's when I admitted I hadn't eaten at all.
I wish that was all but there is one more thing I guess I need to confess. It all started when T was actually able to come yesterday evening unexpectedly. I was very happy to see him and after eating some dinner and made sure our daughter was doing what she should be doing, I quickly stripped and got into the shower with him (even though I had just showered that morning) and proceeded to relieve some of his stress and help us along for later. He always likes to go once before we start anything so I figured I would take care of that so that later once the child was in bed, we could have our fun. I even made sure he understood that I was in the mood and hoping for some play time later. There was no guess work involved like happens with a lot of women. Well, later didn't happen. T was tired from a long day and after our show we were watching was over, he was still trying to go through the over 100 emails that had accumulated during his absence. Once he was done with that, we brushed our teeth and went to bed. While saying our good nights he said he was sorry that we didn't do anything and I said it wasn't a big deal. I lied.
It wasn't a huge deal but it did bother me that he got his "fix" but I didn't get mine and I knew he wouldn't be home for the next few days (at least) to do it either. He knew it bothered me and told me not to just say it was ok and build up a wall but I played it off and we went to sleep. One of our rules is honesty. Really it shouldn't be a rule but a given but we both have a tendency to hold things back just to keep things running smoothly for the time being. Last night was the perfect example of that. I didn't want to get into a conversation about it at the time because I knew he was really tired and needed to get some sleep so to tell him these things either would have resulted him trying to stay up to give me my "fix" (which is for both of us really but he had already had gotten his fix earlier) or he would have gone to bed feeling guilty that he hadn't taken the time to be intimate with me.
I didn't want to give him that guilt or keep him up any later knowing that he already has enough on his mind. Where that may have been a good thought, it was wrong of me to not be honest with my feelings and tell him what was on my mind. The rule clearly states that when asked a question we answer it honestly and if we have a problem to discuss it and not let it fester and turn into something bigger then it needed to be. I broke that rule. My intentions may have been good, but I still made the wrong decision to keep my true feelings from him.
So with my confession now complete I sit here nervously wondering if I should it the "publish post" button. I don't know what the results of this confession post will be but I know the possible outcomes and one of them does not bode well for my rear end. We shall see...
~D~
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